Is singleness undervalued?

Dear Editor,

How I appreciated the article sent in by Rani Joshi on being single (March en). I am a retired, female, missionary who was (I think) well cared for by my church while serving overseas. Since I have returned it’s been quite different.

On returning, I noticed the emphasis in the church on marriage and having a family. I asked if I could do some teaching with the young people on being single and not concentrating on getting married. I was told only an ‘elder’ (they were all married men) could do this, which of course they never did, although I was told that someone in the youth gave them a talk. He was in his twenties and had been single all his life!!!

This attitude does make one feel that you have ‘missed’ something or are ‘unfulfilled’ or ‘unworthy’ when in fact the opposite is true. I know that look of ‘poor thing… still single?’ We are the blessed ones and have been chosen by God for a special role in life. Being fulfilled is not dependent on being married or having children. I have been unmarried all my life and I’m 83 years old now, and don’t feel I have missed out on anything, in fact the opposite.

I am loved and blessed by Jesus Himself, who was not married. My fulfillment is in Him alone, as it should be for all of us. We should seek to glorify God in our lives, whether married or single. As Rani says: “Let’s celebrate both marriage and singleness, recognising that each has its own unique purpose in God’s plan.” Don’t let us look down on those who have never married and pity them.

Yours sincerely,

Ann M. Culley
By email

Response

June 2025

Dear Editor,

Thank you to Ann Culley for her moving letter on singleness and life after mission work. Her words resonated deeply with me. As a child, I felt called to mission, believing it meant overseas service. Instead, I’ve served in the NHS since 2011.

Raised in a charismatic church, I was taught that a woman’s purpose was marriage and motherhood. Even after moving to a Baptist church, the pressure to marry remained.

Now 35 and an Advanced Nurse Practitioner, I’ve often felt my singleness is misunderstood, even devalued. While I’ve longed for marriage and children, they haven’t been part of God’s plan for me. That doesn’t make my voice or calling less valid.

Titus reminds us that older women – married or single – have a role in guiding younger women. Jesus Himself was single, yet deeply fulfilled in His purpose.

Single Christian women are not opposed to marriage. We simply carry wisdom from our journey that can help others. If I’d seen more of that growing up, I wouldn’t have felt torn between calling and cultural expectations.

Every part of Christ’s body matters. Let’s honour the fullness of both marriage and singleness.

Yours sincerely,
Katie Roberts, Kent