Always the biggest take-up at house parties or conventions, the topic of relationships never seems to wane in its popularity among young people.
There are plenty of people around who want to tell us how to begin and sustain relationships. The magazine racks are full of material designed to help you find the right man or woman irrespective of your own gender. All is well as long as you love and respect your partner. Even secular health authorities produce literature for their youth service staff on how to advise young people.
The odd talk
In among this plethora of counsel, is the Christian view being heard? Our history is not good in this territory. Many of us have slipped an odd talk into our programmes, which, although helpful, tends to give the impression that we feel we ought to do it. I once heard a young person say: ‘The only reason they slip in a sex talk now and again is to keep us under control’. And this is compounded by the fact that we give the young people a series of things they must not do, then say that sex is a wonderful thing and they must wait until they’re married. All that is true and young people need boundaries, but I fear that we are teaching a narrow view of humanity.
Broader context
We need to teach these ideas in a much broader context. It is not about a series of prohibitive measures that sound like God is determined to spoil our fun — and all their peers are hearing that sex is for fun as long as you are careful to avoid pregnancy or STDs. How often do we talk about man being God’s special creation, made in his image, and that God wants the very best for us. And part of that very best is that many of you will be married and, if that is God’s plan for your life, then there are blessings given by God as part of that. I have so often seen young people torn apart by the fact that they do not have a mate or a boyfriend/girlfriend on their arm — they assume they are some kind of second-class citizen because they have been conditioned to believe that having a boyfriend is the pinnacle of human existence.
God’s plan
We should teach our young people about marriage and singleness. If they have to wait until their wedding day, why is that relationship so important? Why did God invent marriage? — and so on. There is also a place for young men to spend time speaking with male leaders about how they should treat the young women they develop relationships with and similarly for young women. All of this needs to be taught in the context of a loving God’s plan to create the very best for the children he loves.
Dave Fenton is the Training Director of Root 66, which runs training courses for youth ministries across the UK.
