What is a wet dream? I was asked this by my 11-year-old son this week.
He was looking at the syllabus that had been sent home by his year six teacher. I was into my second sentence when he interrupted me: ‘Can I have the short version?’ I was encouraged by that. He has noticed that whenever we talk about issues around biology and sex, I give full answers and ask him questions. This is partly to compensate for the huge awkwardness I inevitably feel. I think I may have over-compensated!
‘tis the season!
We are in the season of ‘Relationships Education’ in primary schools. It sits on the syllabus of our schools to be covered at some point in the year, and generally schools leave it until the summer term, when all the other mandatory topics have already been completed.
Lovewise (www.lovewise.org.uk) advises Christian parents to make sure the channels of communication are open before puberty starts. The average age for girls to begin puberty is 11, while for boys it is 12, but it can start at eight years old. Be prepared to talk. Look for the opportunities. I will always remember one of my first efforts as we drove past a field of cows while the bull was busy doing all that the farmer Most analyses about church attendance focus on denomination, churchmanship or people’s age. But had hoped for. My hands were gripping looking at the environment (catchment area) can also be of significance. Such is helped by the comprehensive March 2021 Government’s Rural Digest, comparing the English rural and urban populations. Those living in rural towns, villages and hamlets are one-sixth, 16%, of the total population, while those living in urban areas (major and minor conurbations, cities and towns) are 83%, the remaining 1% living in what are called “sparse settings,” mostly remote rural areas. the steering wheel extra tightly. I was desperately trying to speak casually. I don’t believe I would have been more nervous if I had been speaking to the Queen (on a different topic entirely).
Let them hear it from us
The goal of these conversations is to give our children confidence that they can talk to us, their parents, about anything. We want them to hear it from us first. We want to interpret for them everything as Christians. So we want them to hear from us that God created male and female bodies differently, and both are equally beautiful and made for living for his glory. We want them to hear from us that sex is created as a gift to be enjoyed in marriage. We want to help them understand that pornography is destructive (remembering that most children in the UK will have watched it by accident by the age of 13).
I recently heard of a 15-year-old boy in a Christian home who felt unable to discuss these things with his parents. He felt deserted, left to process these vital issues alone. (Incidentally, the data says that very, very few of our young people are taught about sex, sexuality and relationships in their church youth groups).
In some cultures, in some families, for some individuals, these things are hard to discuss. If that is the case, acknowledge it, own it, and get the help of others.
The alternative is worse
One incentive to get the ball rolling is that the alternative is worse. If we fail to make the time to talk about it then we may be forced to discuss it as we stumble across the lies, whispered secrets and regret they are accumulating. We must not leave our young people to pick through the battlefield of brokenness in our culture, without our help.
We want them to talk to us about it all. After all, we are the world experts on our children. We know them and love them more than anyone else. There might be a few words we need to check first. The resources are available. As with all aspects of parenting, with Christ on his throne, we have all we need. We just rarely feel like it.
Ed Drew is the presenter of the Faith in Kids podcast streams – one for parents and one for whole families. He is the Director of Faith in Kids.
