‘I didn’t mean to…’

‘I didn’t mean to.’ It’s the sort of phrase that trips off the tongue with ease.

It describes well the randomness of life – the fact that sometimes things just pop out of nowhere. This morning, I didn’t mean to overbalance whilst sneezing and stand on my cat’s tail, but I did. Accidents do happen. And they will continue to do so until Jesus returns.

Spurious intent

But sometimes, in relationships, ‘I didn’t mean to’ is used with more spurious intent. When one spouse says to it to another, it shuts the conversation down. When a parent says it to a child, it drives the real problems underground. When colleagues lob it at each other, trust is eroded and effective teamwork disappears. That’s because, all too often, it’s a phrase designed to diminish the responsibility of the one causing hurt, minimise the pain of the one hurt and replace the deep and beautiful process of repentance with something far more superficial and trite. ‘I didn’t mean to’ is often shorthand for ‘it was only a mistake’; ‘you can’t be that cross with me’ or ‘we really should just move on’.